I have prepared well and have two weeks left to dial it in.
Bring on race day! I have nothing else to post, so here's my new
A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip, so he thought he'd buy his wife something to keep her occupied. He went to a sex shop & explained his situation.
The man there said, "Well, I don't know tha t I h a ve anything that will keep her occupied for so many weeks, except... the Voodoo Penis!"
The husband said "The what"? The man repeated " The Voodoo Penis" and pulled out what seemed to be an ordinary dildo. The husband laughed, and said, "It looks like a dildo!"
The man then pointed to the door and said, "Voodoo Penis, door!"; The penis rose out of its box, darted over to the door and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with vibrations, so much that a crack began to form down the middle. Then the man said "Voodoo Penis, return to box!" and the penis stopped & returned to the box.
The husband bought it. He took it home to his wife, And after the husband had been gone a few days, the wife remembered the Voodoo Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said "Voodoo Penis, my crotch". The penis shot to her crotch. It was absolutely incredible. After three mind shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, bu t it w as stuck. Her husband had neglected to tell her how to turn it off. So she put her clothes on, got in her car and started for the hospital.
On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve over the road. A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, the woman said "I haven't had anything to drink officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me..."
The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and replied,
"Yeah right... Voodoo Penis, my ass...!"
The rest, as they say, is history