Thursday, March 8, 2007

Less Than Zero

Well, yet again I’ve discovered that I’m the LCD (Lowest Common Denominator, for you non-mathy non-Wharton folk) of the Tri Club. I keep getting the “are you actually training??” questions, which quite frankly, I don’t understand – after all, one doesn’t get this kind of bod without my strenuous 15-minute-a-day workouts, you know – if you can dream it, you can achieve it. But apparently my sheer audacity at signing up for IMMOO has inspired people left and right to themselves sign up for all sorts of things they never thought possible, using the “if SHE’S crazy enough to sign up for an IM (read = given her total lack of athletic abilities), I can certainly do such-and-such” argument. Apparently my IM effort is akin to doing a walk-a-thon across the Gobi desert, bungee jumping off the Empire State, and doing some 1-day 500K bike ride in Colorado. In winter. Because that’s the kind of thing my Tri Club compatriots have signed up for.

I also loved the comment by a friend who told me that she had “somehow managed to stumble across a person who’ll be slower than (you) at IMMOO!” Wow. That IS truly amazing. I forgot to ask if she was blind and/or 82 years old. Sigh.

This of course just makes me even more determined than ever to succeed. So in addition to my Thighmaster workouts, I’m adding an incredibly tough disc routine, whereby I’ll sit or lay around holding out my disc, clearly working to exhaustion muscles I didn’t even know I had. The mind reels at my dedication. Oh, I sense the skepticism that I’ll actually stick with it – *sob* – but I’ll show all of you, dammit! I will!

I’ve also decided that I’m now going to work on my swimming exclusively through dryland training. According to the presentation at last night’s Tri Club meeting, dry land training is just as good as actual swimming (at least that’s how I understood it), so now I never even have to get in the water until race day. Sweet! I might even get this funky swimming apparatus – I’m not sure where I’ll put it exactly, but heck, furniture is overrated anyway.

Ryan, umm, thanks, but I…..I…..MOVED suddenly, yeah, that’s it. I can’t recall my new address off the top of my head, so I’ll get back to you on that.

And Kev, thank you for the lovely plant you dropped off at my doorstep in the wee hours of the morning. I’ve always wanted a Venus flytrap! Oh, some bad news though – I was talking to Eva this morning and she was all excited about surprising you with a visit today….but then she saw your comment about the bags of ice and, well, our last conversation was a little garbled, but I think she was off to Tahiti, mumbling something about “no, no, not the shrinkage excuse again, dios mio”. Though maybe I got that part wrong.

Btw, Lyuba is a classic Russian name – of course it means……….Love. Sigh. It just restores your faith in humanity, doesn’t it, seeing fate work its magic?