Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Eye schmeye

Carolyn, forget the eye thing. Oh, it would probably work, but aiming for such a small target might be a bit of a stretch. I've always heard that the NOSE is the way to go - punch that sucker in the nose and he'll go off crying, swimming home to mama.

Or, you could try my plan. Now that my dear friend Kevin has let the cat out of the bag, so to speak, I might as well share. Since the good scientists at Fermilab wouldn't let me use their Hadron Collider to complete my warm fusion propulsion accelerator that would enable me to get through the water quickly and thus lessen the probability of shark issues, I went to Plan B, Operation Skimpy Attire.

I've determined that if I wear the skimpiest of bathing suits underneath my wetsuit (and of course will not be putting said wetsuit on over said bathing suit until the last possible minute), one that is not the least bit triathlon appropriate, then by my calculations I should be surrounded by a little ring of female-attention-starved male triathletes during the swim, and any shark trying to get to me will have to go through them first. Given that these guys have been training for months and are now faced with the specter of a female who actually understands such madness, who gets equally giddy over shiny new tri toys, whose idea of fun is a 40-mile bike ride out in the country, and who's crazy enough to be planning to jump into frigid Lake Michigan on May 1st......well, I'm thinking my plan might have a shot. You might want to think about it too - I'm sure your hubby wouldn't mind - your health and sanity are what matter here.

I should note that unlike Kevin's friend Tami, I do NOT plan to wear lingerie during my swim. How silly. We all know that saltwater wreaks havoc on silk and lace.

And Chuck, by the way......how come you didn't mention that the dreaded sandladder is TWO MILES LONG???