1. Chuck wins this one - setting the stage for excuses to be pulled out of one's ass later on is key.
Kevin: "Shrinkage, baby. Cold Water Effect. You know how that goes."
Tawnae: "Umm, but like, we're in Arizona? The sea is like, half an hour away? An hour?"
Kevin: "Did you see that SWIMMING POOL not more than ten feet away?? Good god, and it's barely heated. You KNOW how I get around cold water! Can we try to be a little more sensitive here??"
Tawnae: "Giggle!" (hair flip) "Okay, Schmoopie, whatever you, like, say? Then can we go to the ocean after I finish painting my nails?" (toss toss) "Cause I need to work on my tan, and the ocean, that's like totally different from the sea, right? Like they're on different coasts and one's warm?"
(Kevin's head explodes.)
2. Yeah, we're pretty much screwed on this one.
Btw, Chuck, apropos of nothing, just wanted to mention that I've noticed how especially witty and charming you've been lately. Yes sirree. And it's clear to see where your three adorable children inherited their good looks. And brains! And athletic talent! Sigh, would that we all were such bundles of perfection as you.