Many captions come to mind for that picture, Chuck, particularly in response to the "There's nothing we won't do for you" bit. Unfortunately, the only ones I can state without betraying my ladylike sensibilities are along the lines of:
(presuming said lawyer is the one on the bottom): Taking it in the...."patootie"...for you, at just $350 an hour.
(presuming said lawyer on top): Reaming that lowly bastard for you, so you don't have to.
Chuck, how long has said competitor lawyer been insane? We do have a psychologist on our team - perhaps a referral would be in order?